I’d like to apologize if I have ever made it look like I have this “mom thing” down on my Facebook and Instagram. I know it’s been said, but those avenues of communication are just a person’s highlight reel. We create no authentic communication through our Facebook feeds and Instagram. I am sure there are other social networks out there, but I am old. The internet can be such an injustice to new parents. I watch all these “perfect” moms that have it all together and can’t figure out why I wasn’t cut out for this. Then don’t even get me started on information overload, but that’s another story.
I’m about to get extremely real because I think it is important for anyone who has felt the same way as me or may feel this in the future to know they aren’t alone. I mentioned above that I’ve felt like I wasn’t cut out for this. I’ve actually made the comment to my husband and best friend that I’m pretty sure it took me 12yrs to get pregnant because I was annoying God constantly praying for a baby so he finally caved and gave me one. I’m laughing as a type that because I know how ridiculous that sounds. My friend actually looked at me and said “yeah, because that’s how God works”.
I’ve joked before about what sleep deprivation can do to a person, but it can screw a person up too. Between the silly things Jason and I have done I’ve had some really low moments. Then you add in the crazy hormones and recovering from giving birth and you have a recipe for disaster. I’ve seen so many moms around me make it look easy. To be real, maybe for some of them it is, but I am certain there are many who have had similar feelings of exhaustion and inadequacy.
I struggled the first couple of months to feel a bond with Declan. This is something I have not admitted to most. I loved him because he was my son, but I didn’t feel connected to him. I remember being jealous of the connection I saw between him and Jason and not understanding what my brother meant when he said how connected he could tell Declan and I were. I felt guilty and frustrated. I had wanted to be a mom for so long. It was what I had prayed for. He was an answer to so many prayers. Then I finally got that answer and at the time was not what I had expected. I couldn’t understand why I felt no connection.
I am very much a live by logic and not by feelings type person. I think this worked to my benefit in the first couple of months. I knew I was struggling and needed to keep a couple people in the loop. I kept my highlight reel alive and well, but I kept real communication with my husband and one of my friends. This was so important to me because I knew if I crossed over to postpartum depression that one of them would catch it. I knew whatever I said to them would not be judged. I knew I could trust them and that they were watching out for me.
This is why we were meant to do life together. Why a strong marriage and strong friendships are so very important. We are real people, not reel people. We have struggles and down times, but that is why we hold each other up. I joke that when I am having a rough mom day my one friend is having a good mom day and vice versa. We are able to encourage each other.
Through all of this time I never stopped thanking God for Declan. I knew he was the biggest blessing in my life. I just needed to get there. Please know I am not complaining about any of this. I am so very thankful for my son, for the opportunity to be a mom. It was probably between 3 and 4 months that I started to feel the bond, that connection. I can’t imagine our lives without him. It has been absolutely amazing watching him grow and learn. I still have my days where I feel overwhelmed. I’m human, there will always be more to my life than my Facebook page, but I am so in love with being a mom to this little boy. He is by far our greatest adventure.
On your off days, know that they are temporary. There are good and great days too! Find those people you can lean on when needed. I started to tell my friends that they will love every minute of being a parents and I stopped myself. You probably won’t love every minute, but you will appreciate it. You get to be a parent. They are only this little once. God trusted you with them. That is a great honor. It is amazing and amazingly difficult, and I’ve barely got started!
Extend grace to each other. You never know what someone else is going through. We have the opportunity each and every day to be that person who lifts someone up or knocks someone down. I’m so thankful for those who were there for me when I needed lifted!
Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.
May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had.
