It’s your choice
Scripture
Reference: Deuteronomy 30:19
The holiday season is upon us. It is a wonderful time of year. Of
course, it can also be one of the most difficult times of the year.
It
starts with Halloween. This is one of the biggest photo ops of the year for
some parents. They get to dress their kids as butterflies, angels, football
players, pirates; they get the opportunity to dress up their already cute child
and get a ton of pictures. All in all, this is a lot of fun for both the
parents and the children. I am sure you can see that this holiday would be
difficult on someone who is going through infertility. However, I have to admit
I love seeing all the pictures and always appreciate being one of the people
that personally get sent the pictures, but there was a time when these pictures
had the ability to make me sad.
Now
we move on to Thanksgiving. Honestly, for me, this has always been the easiest
holiday in this part of the year. I won’t spend a lot of time here.
Christmas
is the real kicker. It is supposed to be a holly, jolly season. If I am to be
completely honest, I will admit that it has not always been all candy canes and
Christmas trees for me. I have allowed
myself to be that bah, humbug person for a couple of years.
I can remember one year my brother and
his family decided they were going to have Christmas morning at their house. My
family tradition had always been to spend the night at my parents’ house and
start Christmas morning right away. My brother’s family had every right to make
their decision. In fact, I support it 100%. They have a daughter and what
family doesn’t want that special time to themselves in the morning? However, at the time I was devastated. I
called my mom on my way to work sobbing. I couldn’t figure out what Jason and I
were supposed to do Christmas morning. We didn’t have children to surprise on
Christmas morning. Christmas traditions are so centered on children and their
responses, and because Jason and I had not had children, I felt so robbed of
that experience.
Another year, four of my cousins were
pregnant at the same time. In fact this has happened twice in the amount of
time that Jason and I have been trying to get pregnant. However, that first
year was the most painful. I had just started going through this journey and
didn’t have a clue what emotions would attack. Most of my family did not know
at that time what all we had been going through, but I felt like that entire
Christmas party was focused on my pregnant cousins. As it should have been, it
was very exciting for all of them to be pregnant at the same time. However, I
felt as though that they were all in this exclusive club that I wanted so
desperately to be a part of and just couldn’t. I was absolutely
devastated. I can remember they had all
of the pregnant cousins stand together to take a picture and then they showed
everyone the picture. I don’t blame them, but this was very difficult for me.
Now, I want to be very clear, all my baby cousins born from those times are
some of the most amazing children I have ever met. They have impacted our lives
more than anyone will ever know and I am so thankful that I did not allow my
own sadness and jealousy to affect my relationship with my cousins or their
children. They had every right to act excited and there was no need for them to
walk on egg shells around me. Do not ever
expect anyone to act differently around you because they are pregnant. You will
miss out on so much if you expect people to treat you differently.
Now, the choice is up to you. You can
allow yourself to let situations like I described consume your entire holiday
season, or you can choose to celebrate the season for all it is worth. Deuteronomy
30:19 tells you to choose between life and death. Then it goes on to tell you
the correct answer. Choose life!!!!
So how do you do that when the situation seems unbearable? You’ve got to make
an effort.
Years ago, I used to be on the puppet
team at my church. We used to travel and do competitions and one year we went
on a week trip together. That is a long time to spend with the same people.
Especially because this group was full of lot of strong personalities. For
months before the trip our leader had us read the love scriptures (1
Corinthians 13:4-8) over and over again. This was our focus. I can remember as
soon as we got to the dorms I got mad at someone and instantly went back to my
room to read these scriptures. I had to remind myself what love looked like. I
had to work to walk in love with everyone. It was not always easy, but I was
able to because I made the effort. I had the opportunity to allow conflict to
ruin my week, but instead chose to make an effort to have a good week.
This is the same concept you need to use
this holiday season. I am not saying it is going to be easy. I am not saying
that you will never be sad, jealous or angry. You can make this an enjoyable holiday season, but it may take
some effort. Find the scriptures that talk about God’s goodness and mercy. The
scriptures that say He has plans for you. Remember that God’s goodness and
mercy follow you all of the days of your life (Psalm 23:6). Take the time to
write down the good things in your life. Then when you are having a difficult
time step away and get your focus back on these things. I don’t care if you
need to sneak away to a restroom and cry and get refocused on the good things,
do it! Take care of yourself and have a wonderful holiday season. Enjoy
Thanksgiving and have a Merry Christmas!
WEEKLY ASSIGNMENT:
