Guilt-Complex

Guilt-Complex

Week #10

Scripture Reference:  1 John 3:20-21

            For anyone who reads my blog and hasn’t struggled with infertility, you may wonder why guilt is even an emotion connected to this journey.  Merriam-Webster dictionary defines feeling guilty as obsolete; justly liable to or deserving of a penalty. So, how can this relate to infertility? Simple, I will give you three scenarios where guilt comes in to the game.

            Scenario #1: Every month you try and pray to have a baby. You are doing everything right. You have the timing down. You are eating as best as you know how. You’ve cut out caffeine. You pray all of the time that this is it, this is your month. This is the month you will get the positive pregnancy test. Only that isn’t what happens; instead your period starts.  Now starts the guilt trip. I cannot even begin to count the amount of times that my husband has had to console me because I was sobbing. I couldn’t figure out what I did that was so wrong. Why God didn’t want me to have a baby. I thought that maybe I wasn’t a good enough Christian or that my faith wasn’t strong enough. I was convinced that I was being punished because maybe I didn’t read my Bible enough that month or maybe I talked bad about someone that month. I felt so guilty. Logically, I knew this wasn’t the case. People who aren’t living perfect get pregnant all of the time, but I still felt so guilty.

            Scenario #2: So, you just found out that someone else is pregnant. It seems as though everyone around you is pregnant. You are truly happy for them, but that small pang of jealousy sneaks in. The crazy part is now you feel guilty because you feel jealous. You are happy for them, maybe even excited about meeting a new little one, but you are sad for yourself and maybe a little jealous and now you feel guilty about any of the feelings that might not be positive.  I didn’t even know that all of those emotions could be felt at the same time until I started going through infertility.  Then it gets worse.  If one of the people that you were slightly jealous of miscarries the guilt that you feel goes through the roof. Now, you never ever wished harm on them. In fact, you were more excited than anything for them, but because you felt that little bit of jealousy you are convinced that it is your fault. Again, logically, I knew it wasn’t my fault, but I still had that inner struggle with guilt.

            Scenario #3: Now, this is the area that still tries to sneak into my life. This is the area that I have to fight hard to control. In our situation it is issues with me that cause the infertility. I struggled all of the time with thinking that the infertility was my fault. I had convinced myself that I was the reason my husband didn’t have children. I thought I was the cause of his biggest source of pain.  I felt so guilty, because in my mind he could be with anyone else and have children. This way of thinking can cause great strain in the marriage.

This is where I want to start in fixing this guilt-complex we get.  Infertility is no one’s fault. I do not care if you are the only one in the relationship with the issue causing infertility. It is not your fault. Yes, I am sure you got married with the idea of owning the home with the white picket fence, having 2.5 kids and a dog, but that is not why your spouse married you. They married you because they love you. You and your spouse are a team. Your spouse will be your most valuable teammate through this situation because they are the only one that understands your situation completely.

If your spouse is your most valuable teammate it is important to remember that God is your coach. He is an amazing coach. You also need to remember that guilt is not from God.  He is not punishing you. He loves you and wants what is best for you. John 10:10 says that God came to give you a rich and satisfying life, but it also says that the thief came to kill, steal and destroy. One of the major ways that the devil will try to destroy you is through guilt, and boy, will he try to cause guilt through stupid things. There is no reason we should ever feel guilty because of infertility, but the devil will try to find your weakness.  1 John 3:21 says that if we don’t feel guilty we will be able to go to God with BOLD confidence. Well, no wonder the devil tries to guilt-trip us. Have you ever noticed how hard it is to pray when you feel guilty about something? How can you pray about having children if you feel like it is your fault that you don’t have them?

I love that first John 3:20 says that even if we feel guilty that God is greater than our feelings.  That is something that I need to remind myself all of the time. God is greater than my feelings! I would say it is about time that we give it to God and let go! Romans 8:1 says that there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. Do you belong to Christ? It is time for us to get rid of the guilt-complex and go boldly to God!

WEEKLY ASSIGNMENT:
This week, take to time to figure out if you are feeling guilty about anything. If you do, it is time to deal with it and give it to God. Then go to Him with bold confidence in prayer this week.