For years Mother’s Day was an incredibly painful holiday. It was a reminder of what I didn’t have. I actually stopped going to church on Mother’s Day. It was too painful for me when they would have the mom’s stand to recognize them. In my head it wasn’t like I wasn’t trying, I was just failing month after month. The last Mother’s Day I went to church our pastor’s wife prayed for all of the women who were struggling with infertility or who had lost a baby. I was supposed to be taking pictures. Instead I stood back by the production booth crying.
What I wish I would have known through that twelve years was that infertility was just part of my journey. There was so much more going on in my life. There were so many times infertility consumed me. I had a great journey to this point, and sometimes I knew that, but I definitely struggled at times. My life would be so different had we had a baby years ago. I tell Declan all the time that he was the baby we were waiting for.
I’m so thankful God gives us beauty for ashes. We would not have moved to North Carolina if we would have had a baby 12 years ago. I miss my family terribly, but I feel at home in North Carolina. Moving gave me the opportunity to grow closer to my husband. We didn’t know anyone when we moved here. We depended only on each. It gave us to opportunity to go to church because we wanted to and not because it was expected of us. We truly got to become who we wanted to be, who we were supposed to be.
I made it through school and had to opportunity to work in the medical field. This is also something I would not have done. I worked with some amazing people through those years. I had to opportunity to work with patients and hopefully help them through difficult times. I hope I was able to make an impact. At the time I didn’t recognize this as part of my journey. I miss that part of my life, but I am so thankful to be home with Declan.
Mostly I hope through all of this that I’ve been able to help others. That I am able to provide some encouragement.
This Mother’s Day I am so thankful to be a mom. To get to experience this part of my journey. It has been amazing watching Declan grow and learn. I can’t believe how fast the last seven months have gone. I can’t believe my baby is already trying to walk and that he is crawling all over the place. The baby hugs and snuggles make the lack of sleep and teething worth it. It is amazing how a slobbery, disgusting baby kiss can make your whole day.
I am so thankful to have my mom! I know there are so many who miss their mom something fierce. Because I know my mom will read this I’m adding this in. I’ve got an amazing mom who has never stopped loving me or praying for me. And believe me I am sure that was a struggle through those pesky teenage years. She has been an amazing example to me of what a mom should be and I am so thankful for her. Happy Mother’s Day!
Isaiah 61:1-3
